For some crazy idea, I thought it would be an excellent idea to start writing a book. I knew there would be challenges; Organising my thoughts into coherent sentences, creating something people would actually want to read, as well as over-coming the dreaded writer’s block. I was prepared… or so I thought.
Oh my goodness is writing hard! There are so many thoughts crammed into my head just aching to get out. Sometimes they don’t make sense, sometimes they’re so fuddled up I can’t understand them, and sometimes they just purely suck. I have days where I can write and write and write but none of it will be of an acceptable quality! Some days I will write for hours straight, only to have one measly paragraph to show for my efforts, but it will be a really good paragraph, fantastic even. And then there are the days where I stare at my laptop, the keys taunting me as I struggle to write a single word. Those days I generally wind up on imgur.com or searching for memes about writer’s block. That might help right?
Another thing I was not prepared for; my newly developed coffee addiction. I’ve gone from having one coffee a week, to having at least one a day … sometimes a double shot … occasionally a decaffeinated cup later. Ok, so one a day isn’t too bad right? Wrong! I have a lovely thing called Crohn’s disease. In a nut shell it means I have inflammation of my digestive tract, for me my large intestines and stomach are effected. Though I’m in remission, my stomach is still overly sensitive and coffee is unfortunately one of my triggers. So I have to be very careful and make sure that I don’t exceed having one a day, and I must never forget to use lactose free milk or the outcome will be gruesome enough to rival Game of Thrones.
And don’t get me started on the level of stress writing this book has caused me… or maybe I’m just jittery from all the coffee. At the time of writing this post, I am 89,000 words into my first draft, so the bulk of it is complete. But then again … this is the first of a trilogy. I have my moments where I am absolutely full of doubt. There are days where the characters won’t do what they’re told, or I’ve discovered a massive inconsistency, or I’ve realised that my book is plagued with my Australian slang! What a bugger! I suffer from anxiety, why am I doing this to myself? Do I not realise that my book is going to be rejected over and over again until it’s up to scratch? I repeat, I have anxiety! As in panic attack, can’t breathe, heart feels like it’s being stabbed, pass out type of anxiety. So rejection = bad for anxiety! Yeah… that’s going to be a fun hurdle to cross! I get so discouraged that sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and quit!
So, bearing all of that in mind, here is the most important thing that writing has taught me;
It is an addiction.
A wonderful, beautiful addiction.
Let’s face it, for all the agonising and stress and complaining, I wouldn’t be able to walk away. I don’t want to walk away. I couldn’t abandon my poor characters and leave their stories untold! I may be addicted to coffee, but writing is my true addiction now. And I have no intention of being sober just yet.